Cancer Class and Portacaths

When we last updated, it was understood that Tuesday, December 13 was going to be THE DAY.  The first battle of the war.  That is, until Tuesday came and all the plans changed again.   Here's what happened:

Mom showed up to her very first chemo treatment in the morning fully expecting to not expect anything at all and just get started.  She had rested and eaten really well thanks to Tom's new bestie, the Cancer Cookbook.  We're talking home cooked meals with soups made from stocks made from scratch, or poached salmon in homemade mineral broth with Morrocan pesto.  You know, the kind of stuff that people in LA pay major bucks for, but we can just eat for fun because we already know better!

Anyways, we thought we was prepared.  Eat right and sleep is all you need, right?  Well, the nurses (the ones who really know whats going on) did not seem to think so.  I imagine the conversation went kind of like this:

Nurse:  "Honey, you got yourself a portacath?"
Mom:  "Well, no, we were just going to wait and see if we needed it, right?"
Nurse:  "Oh, honey, no, that's some powerful shit.  You can't rub your skin, wash dishes, drink hot drinks. Honey, you can't do nothin without that port.  You been to cancer class?"
Mom:  "I'm sorry, what?"

And then she pulled a C-Card in the cancer treatment center.  Mom said no treatment until she gets into a class and gets herself a port, because being in the dark is uncool.  So she did.  Here is this week's new schedule:

Wednesday:  Cancer Class 
Basic Objectives:  Learning all about how little fun cancer will be.  And how much fun it will be to say goodbye to cancer.  One surprise lesson at cancer class:  It looks like we'll need to get a very nice wig sooner rather than later.  And I personally also think an Hermes scarf, or something very close to it, would not be inappropriate either.

Thursday (today):  Lumbar Sample/"Spinal Tap" and Portacath Insertion
Since we don't want to delay the start of the chemo treatments any longer than we have to, the nurses at the treatment schedule got Mom set up to receive her portacath ASAP at the hospital.  And while they were there and she'd be under some anesthesia, they figured they'd get a sample of some spinal fluid.  Not ideal to have two treatments like this in one day, but, hey, we'll take it.  At least its not multiple, separate trips to the hospital.

For those of us not in the cancer know, about the portacath:  Because the chemo medicine is often pretty toxic stuff and fairly harsh on your veins (not to mention uncomfortable), you can have a semi-permanent port implanted in the chest with a direct line into the veins wherein the nurses can administer the chemo meds.  It doesn't sound all that fun, but it helps to make a very uncomfortable procedure a little bit easier, and so we like the port.

So far Mom isn't too fond of her new port; its still a bit tight and tender and limits her movement in her arms for the next couple of weeks.   (How will we lift the Christmas tenderloin in and out of the oven!!!???) I think, though, that it's going to be a really great thing, and I'm relieved that the nurses basically insisted upon it.  The idea of having your arms free during the treatment sessions just seems so... well, free!  You can get up and dance! You can wave to your friends!

It's a good thing.

Friday:  The First Treatment
So now we've got the port, we've got most of the tests out of the way;  its finally time to start the treatment tomorrow morning.  Mom is going to get a cocktail of four drugs called CHOPS.  At Cancer Class, she learned what each of those drugs aims to do, and what kind of side effects to expect from them.  And the nurses, (remember, now, these are the people who actually know what they're doing) are all keeping an eye out and can supplement any questions that might come up over the 7-8 hours the treatment will take.  I know I'd have some; Tom would have about 100; Mom will probably want to know what's for lunch.  But hey, the nurses will have the answer to that, too!

I'm sure the treatment will go smoothly and Momma will definitely be ready for another home cooked super meal a la Chef Tom and some relaxation back home with them crazy doggies by the end of the day.

Saturday:  After Chemo Shot
Way shorter than the treatment itself and helps gets your body back to being healthy again.   I believe its meant to boost the white blood cell count.  Also a good thing.

Monday:  Baseline Heart Testing/Monitoring
Just a couple tests to get a baseline for Momma's heart and blood pressure so that we can monitor any side effects of the treatments.  Also a fun baseline for monitoring the effects of me telling Momma that I'm going to get a tattoo.


And after that, no more of this mess for at least a few more weeks.  Its time to relax, enjoy the season, have some fun, and get back to normal.